From my working chair, not so long ago, I found myself on an Instagram page of another book editor. And they were killing it.
(Or at least that’s what it looks like on social media, and we all know how much of that is just appearances…)
I was totally into what they were sharing. Thought their social media game was on point. Looked like they were #bookedandblessed in every pun imaginable. Discovered we had quite a bit in common… And then I noticed they were 20 years old and started their business around the same time as me.
Cue my mood crashing, as a 30+ year-old, who only recently decided to pursue an editorial business after years of trying to identify the the skills I most wanted to use to help people. (And who has also had a decade-plus of professional experience this young person has not had, but that certainly wasn’t coming to mind at that moment.)
I fell into the comparison trap… hard.
The comparisonitis. I drank the compareschläger (as Marie Forleo calls it). The whole bottle, probably. Tears were shed, though I strongly suspect the full moon played a part as well in heightening emotions. Either way, my confidence tanked, the comparisonitis the culprit.
This surprised me, honestly… I am solidly in the “the only person I compete with is myself” camp. Cheering people on as they rock what they’re doing is one of my very favorite things.
Most of the time, I have no reason to compete or compare myself to anyone else because I know everyone is their own unique person, meant to do great things in their world with their gifts and talents. I think that is one of the most beautiful things in this world!
And I still found myself comparing my business to another book editor’s social media profile.
Because I’m human. And humans tend to fall into the comparison trap with each other, even without trying to.
The Reality Check
Calming myself down, especially with thanks to my partner, I remembered that this person is not me. And I am not them. And though we are similar, we do not do our work in the same way. They can rock their social media game while I wish I could bag social media all together. All they are doing that I wish I was doing… I don’t have to do it and I do not have to do it like them.
I can release my grip on the compareschläger, put my head down, listen to what my own heart has to say, and then put in the work to do the work that I actually want to do.
Because, once I sobered myself up, I realized that this instance of comparisonitis gave me a glaring billboard for the work I really want to do.
The book editing and copyediting is the work I truly want to do.
(Along with writing my own books, of course!)
And this epiphany came with this reminder:
You don’t compare yourself to people who are doing things you have no interest in…
You compare yourself to the people who are doing what you truly want to do.
This is why comparing yourself to others and looking at where you get jealous of other people can actually be a helpful tool. It may not feel good in the moment; however, it can point you in the direction of where you most want to move in.
How to Use Comparison to Find Your Direction
Start to notice when you get jealous of someone else or find yourself falling into the comparison trap. And ask yourself why those feelings are arising.
You’re jealous of that woman who can work from the beach on her laptop? How can you create that feeling with your own work from where you’re at until you can make that a reality for yourself?
You find yourself comparing your achievements to peer who seems much further along than you? What is it about what they have or are doing that you seek?
Odds are, because there’s something there, something you desire on a much deeper level, that you haven’t achieved yet… Or maybe even something you haven’t acknowledged that you want.
I have a feeling you’ll find your own aha moment in asking why the feelings of comparison and jealousy come up, especially if you’ve been questioning your purpose, direction, or next steps. I know I did.
Find out what the desire is—the desire hidden deep underneath the mask of comparing yourself to another—and start moving toward it.
So, you may see a refocus from me on sharing more about the book editing and copyediting work. I love the intuitive side of my business, and I don’t want to let it take away from the editorial side of things that I utterly love doing… My intuition supports my hard-earned editing skills, and it thrills me to no end to see how I can help others with these gifts.
And I plan on using any social media stalking of other editors for inspiration and ideas, not comparison. If it start falling into the comparison mire again, I’ll know to pull myself out before it gets too far. Because we all know that can work against you rather than for you.
Remember that only you can do the work you were put on this earth to do with the gifts that only you have. No one can do it like you do… So keep going, especially when comparison comes along to try and derail you. Let the comparison be fuel for you to pinpoint the next steps for you to reach for your dreams.
Want to join me in putting down the compareschläger, putting your head down, listening to your heart, and doing the work you really, really want to do? See you there. <3